1985

This morning I woke up to a bad hair day. Which isn’t really that unusual – I have hair that requires a lot of maintenance in order to keep it looking presentable. I like to call it 80’s hair, because I can capture that fantastic fluffy 80’s look simply by waking up. My morning hair basically epitomises the pinnacle of 80’s hair styling.

My whole body was born for the 80’s really. I could carry off the whole fluffy hair, bra-less, leg-warmer look without even trying. And I’m an awesome 80’s dancer – I have the shoulder action down pat.


The trouble is that it’s not the 80’s any more. It’s the 00’s (or is it the 10's now?). And because of that, it means that every day is a massive effort of preparation that I could totally avoid if it were, say, 1985.

I have to straighten my hair so that it’s smooth and shiny instead of fluffy and fly-away. My awesome 80’s moves have to be toned down so that I don’t look like an extra in the Wedding Singer movie. I’m cool with the removal of the bra-less style aspect of 80’s fashion, because if you walked around now looking like you had no bra on, people would spend all day staring at your chest instead of getting on with life. Honestly, between the bra-less look and the whole bustier/underwear on the outside thing, it’s a wonder anyone could concentrate in the 80’s. Although maybe that explains the rest of 80’s fashion – everyone was too distracted to pay attention to what they were wearing.

It’s a shame, really, that the only aspects of 80’s fashion that have made a come-back are the stupid ones. Bring back 80’s hair, I say. I know there are a hell of a lot of women who’d be grateful for that.