Leaky Sponge

People say that children's brains are like a sponge, soaking up information anywhere they can find it. If that’s really the case, then I feel sure that at some point early on, someone picked up my information sponge and wrung it out a little.

Often, very basic information about the world and how it works seems to have trickled its way out of my brain and been left somewhere in a puddle of abandoned information. And I’m not just talking about the kind of information you never use, but also very basic things that you learn at primary (elementary) school. Things like basic multiplication tables and long division; why there are seasons and how electricity works. Want to know what 8 x 8 is? Don’t ask me! 245 minus 73? Hand me a calculator then!

It’s a very strange thing to find that you’re lacking in basic skills like these, especially if you’re not a stupid person. I may not be able to do long division, but I can design a playground that meets four different kinds of legal standards, fits into a small space and know exactly how much it will cost all in the space of about 20 minutes. I can read an entire novel in less than a day. I can use just about any computer program you put in front of me, and have it mastered within an hour. So why on earth do I have to think so hard about things I should have learnt when I was five?

Perhaps it's just that since I've been a nerd from the day I was born, I’ve come to rely too much on digital devices to provide these kinds of answers for me. Calculators and computers have made that part of my brain that deals with basic maths obsolete. My brain has decided to expunge all the information that it didn’t really need to hold on to, and as a result all that is left is a mind that has a firm grasp on vocabulary and technology, and little else. It would explain all those other blank areas in my mind where things like ‘history’ and ‘geography’ subjects should reside.


Is it too late to reverse this kind of knowledge loss? Can I bring it all back? And is 30 too old to be learning things that could be taught to me by my eight year old niece?

The New Year's Eve Hermit

I'm pretty sure that my brain has switched off now that it knows that the end off the year is here. For the last few days, i've been thinking and acting like a person who may have dropped a few IQ points and forgotten to pick them up again.

I have never spilt so much stuff on myself, tripped over so many things or struggled to understand so many jokes in my life. It's a sign that I need my holiday.

Hopefully the trip to Tassie will be a kind of reboot for my brain, otherwise 2011 is going to be a very long (and messy) year.


Even though it's New Years Eve, and usually i'm keen to head out to a party or something, this year I just want to stay at home and pretend it's any other night. I usually relish the excuse to get out and have a few drinks with friends, but this year not so much. Maybe it's my slow brain, or maybe it's the fact that I have been making a valiant attempt over the last week to replace my body's entire fluid contents with alcohol and it's so full to the brim with booze it can't take any more. Either way, I'm just not feeling up for it.

And I know this makes me old and boring, but today, for once, I don't really care. For NYE 2010 I am an alcoholic, mentally challenged hermit and I don't mind!

What the....?

I heard this song on the radio when I was out yesterday and at first I thought it was a joke - but it's not. How sad.



I couldn't find a link to the official video, but I picked this one because it shows the lyrics on it, so you can see how truly deep they are.


EDIT: I found the official video here. Crazier than the song. I recommend you don't watch it, as it's 10 minutes of your life that you'll never get back. But if you do watch it, could someone please explain to me what the hell it's all about!?

A lesson to be learnt

Toddler mistakes gun for Wii controller

I'm not sure what the more important lesson to be learnt here is - that letting kids play with toy guns really is a bad idea, or don't leave your loaded gun on the coffee table while your three year old is wandering around.

The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done

Last week, I did the stupidest thing that I have possibly ever done while driving a car. I know that makes it sound like I did something dangerous, but no, it was just stupid, and in the embarrassing kind of way.

I have never, ever hit anything while driving. I don’t find it particularly difficult to drive in a straight line and not run into anything. You know, as long as your eyes are open it’s pretty easy not to hit stuff. Those people that take 950 turns to get their license completely baffle me. The whole concept of driving is pretty easy. You point the car in the direction you want it to go, you accelerate to the speed limit and you avoid solid objects. Simple, right?

But I guess that doesn’t take into account what happens when you forget to pay attention.

I was backing out of a friend’s driveway, which is a reasonably tricky one, but not too hard if you pay attention. One side has a large tree; one side has a low volcanic rock wall. A number of people have run into the tree by not paying attention, so I’m always careful to watch out for it as I drive out. This particular day, I was watching the tree in my side mirror to make sure I had plenty of room, but was also thinking about dinner and how I could feed myself at home on nothing but 2 minute noodles and potatoes, because I couldn’t be bothered stopping at the shops to get real food. I was driving slowly, barely even walking pace

All of a sudden, there was a massive hissing noise and I felt the back of the car suddenly drop. Having no idea what was going on I stopped, moved the car forward a little and got out. Somehow, while looking at the tree, I had managed to hit my tyre on the very edge of a rock jutting out of the low rock wall. Not the car, not the rim, just the tyre! How the hell that happened is inexplicable, but not only had I clipped it, it had ripped an enormous hole in my tyre! It was big enough to fit my thumb through.

I can only assume that since I was going pretty damn slowly and since I hit nothing else on the car, there must have just been a sharp bit of rock sticking out. How the hell else do you put a hole in the sidewall of your tyre but not damage anything else?

It’s honestly the most ridiculously, embarrassingly stupid thing I have ever done in a car. And not only that, but I now have to fork out $200 for a new tyre. I could accept this if I was doing something wrong and had learnt a lesson from it all, but no. I was just thinking about 2 minute noodles with a mashed potato topping.

Stupid or what?

Third time unlucky

I think the general level of driving skill has deteriorated quite seriously of late. It seems that there are more random and dangerous drivers around than ever before. What i can't seem to work out is whether this is because people are getting worse at driving, or if it's just because the number of drivers on the road in total has increased, therefore the number of bad drivers has increased.

My sister has been run into twice in the last week - both times at the same intersection. The first was a taxi driver, who did a very sharp (and very illegal) left hand turn out of the right hand lane – then proceeded to get out of the car and abuse her for not being more careful!

The second was a woman who was stopped behind my sister at the same intersection. She kept creeping forwards whilst looking at the oncoming traffic instead of the car in front of her. Luckily she only tapped the bumper. On getting out of her car, she said “oh, I thought I’d hit the kerb for a minute there!” Which is a bit of a worry, considering she was nowhere near a kerb at the time!

Let’s just hope that bad things don’t really happen in threes, because that would mean an accident with an even more stupid driver, and I’m just not sure that’s possible.