Wink Wink

I’m going to share something about myself that not many people know, and when they find out, they tend to stare in disbelief and then laugh. A lot.

I can’t wink.

I’ve never been able to. When I try, it looks like I have something in my eye. My face gets all scrunched up and I do a weird almost-Elvis thing with my mouth. It’s interesting, but definitely not winking. I can close my right eye and still see out of the left a little, but not enough that it looks like a wink. And my left eye? If it’s closed, then so is my right. Let’s not even get started on what happens if I try to raise one eyebrow. I guess I’m just facially disabled.

I often watch movies and the main character will give a discreet little wink to someone and I find myself wishing that I were able to do that. If I tried to wink discreetly, people would think I was having a fit. It most definitely would NOT go unnoticed.

Surely there are situations in life in which the inability to wink will put me at a disadvantage. Ever heard of Wink Murder? You’ll have to count me out for that game.
What if I’m feeling flirty? Scrunching up my face and squinting at someone isn’t exactly the sexiest look.
And what if I want to signal to someone to go along with what I’m saying!? I’m clearly at a disadvantage here. There must be some way to substitute a wink. Or to fake one even!

I’ve tried practising, but that didn’t help much at all either.
So much can be said with one little wink, but all mine says is ‘My facial muscles are out of control’.